Your Birth Day | My first letter to my daughter, part 2

Hi Baby Girl, As I write this you are in my arms. I'm typing one handed, and I wouldn't have it any other way. It's still so surreal that three weeks ago we were leaving the hospital with you. I have such wonderful, precious, priceless memories of that weekend when you were born. I hope I do it justice here...

Friday night, the day before you arrived, I had made a huge list of things to get done. It was one of the first weekends where I felt really ambitious, and your dad and I both realized we had a lot to do to prepare for your arrival. I still have that list, sitting by the bed, and I smile every time I look at it. As you can probably guess, none of it got done that day, and it was all ok. Better than ok in fact, because God had plans for us to meet you.

Around 6:45 Saturday morning I got out of bed to use the restroom, and halfway there thought I may have had my first bout of incontinence, if you know what I mean. I know this is common during pregnancy, but I had never experienced it.  I was having to use the bathroom every 10 minutes it seemed during the third trimester, but I had never not made it in time. So I called your dad to come look (I don't know what I thought he was going to do) but we both thought it probably wasn't my water breaking because there wasn't enough of it. Five minutes later though, there was more, and we were sure. My water had broken…there was no question. I'm pretty scared at this point, because you're not due for another 3 1/2 weeks, and we are still so unprepared. We didn't have a bag packed, and I hadn't washed any of your new clothes (that was on the list I had made!). So your dad started packing me a bag, while I just continued to kind of stand around in shock. I called the doctor, and the doctor on call immediately called me back. She was very positive and upbeat and just told me to head to the hospital! Holy cow I am going to have a baby.

I then remembered a suggestion a friend of mine had recently told me. She has said if you have time, to shower before you go to the hospital. That way I'd feel nice and clean….and who knows when I'd be able to shower again! So I did that, got dressed, and then started to try and help your dad. He had woken your brother up to tell him we were going to the hospital, and I remember he packed a bag of own, which consisted of nothing more than a stuffed animal. :)

About 45 minutes after my water broke, I started having contractions and began timing them. They weren't too bad; we stayed home another 45 minutes while I looked for your going-home outfit. It was the one thing I wanted to remember to take, and it was the one thing I couldn't find. I was very, very frustrated. The contractions started getting stronger though, so we had to eventually leave without the clothes.

We were only five minutes from the hospital so we got there quickly. It was weird just to walk in and ask what to do…I guess I always pictured it as a little more chaotic. But we just went to labor and delivery and they checked us into maternal observation. It was all very calm and easy. They started monitoring my contractions and at this point they had started to hurt pretty bad. We were there for about an hour while they prepared a delivery room for us. Your uncle Jacob and soon to be aunt Rachel came up to the hospital to get Ian, and then the nurse came and got me and your dad and moved us to the room where you were to be born!  I had told the nurse I could walk, but the contractions were pretty difficult to walk through, and they started making me nauseous. So she put me in a wheelchair.

Once we got to the delivery room, as much as I wanted to try and have a natural birth, I asked for an epidural. I was pretty disappointed in myself, but in the end, I believe I made the best decision that I could at that point. I wasn't really able to focus on much else but the pain, and I didn't really want to spend the entire day fearing the next contraction. I wish I could have done without an epidural, but all in all, I think it ended up being a really good thing. It did give me the shakes pretty badly, but those subsided. And more than anything, it enabled me to enjoy the day with my family in the delivery room.

Jacob and Rachel and Ian had returned with coffee and breakfast tacos for everyone (except me…only liquids for me!) Oh, and Jacob had gone to our house, searched our entire garage, and found the outfits I couldn't!! I don't know how he did it but I was SO grateful!! My mom and stepdad (your grandparents) arrived around 11am, and your other grandpa, who lives further away, arrived a bit later to meet you! Jacob and Rachel had also had a big weekend planned…they were remodeling their soon to be home and had planned on working on that all day. But they were so sweet and spent most of the day taking care of/entertaining your big brother, bringing us food, etc.

That Saturday was the start of the college football season, so we just all hung out and watched a lot of football. Your dad is using a towel as a blanket in this picture because apparently it was cold in the delivery room. I was the only one who wasn't freezing the whole time!

Your uncle Jake had brought me some of my favorite things…chocolate covered fruit bites and sour patch-type candy, and I couldn't have any of it! But I drank a ton of juice and ate a bunch of jello.

I had my Bible and a book on the bed with me, and the stuffed animal that Ian had packed and given to me when he left (Your brother is wild and crazy, but he has such a sweet heart). I didn't end up reading my book at all, but my Bible was definitely a source of comfort to me when I got nervous or scared.

Labor progressed pretty quickly…I cant remember exactly but I think I was around a 4 when we got settled into the delivery room. A couple of hours later I was at a 6, and then about an hour later your heart rate dropped significantly and I called the nurse back in. (I watched this monitor more than I watched any of the football going on on TV).

The nurse rechecked me, seeming to know that that drop in your heart rate meant something, and said happily that I was already at a 9!  From there, once I was fully dilated, the nurse checked with the doctor and they said that now we were just kind of going to wait and see. They weren't in any hurry for me to start pushing, and I trusted them. So we just waited some more! Again, this was one of the blessings of the epidural…I know it's not for everyone, but it enabled me to stay rested and upbeat while I waited.

Finally, around 5:30 pm, they said it was time to push! I couldn't feel anything, and this was actually the one time I wished there was a little pain, because I couldn't tell if I was doing anything right! Even though I wasn't in any pain, it was definitely hard! I remember closing my eyes between pushes and just feeling SO exhausted. But, two hours later you were here! Best thing EVER. I remember the doctor telling me to open my eyes and look at my daughter, and all of a sudden you were in my arms, and in my heart.

I also remember hearing your dad laugh right when you were born…not a humorous laugh, but a completely overwhelmed with joy laugh. He had tears in his eyes and a big smile on his face and I knew he was already as in love with you as I was.

Ian got to come back in soon after, and he was SO excited to meet you. He had been for quite some time. From the very first time he found out he was having a sister he was always so upbeat, positive, and sweet. He loves you bunches.

Then Jacob and Rachel came back to meet you! Notice the paint on your uncle's hands! They were able to fit in a couple hours of work before you arrived. Once they met you they left to get us all dinner. I was so hungry I didn't care what we ate, but they ended up bringing back an AMAZING celebratory dinner from Nonna Tata. We ate fresh foccacia, salad, gnocchi, chicken picatta, and a handful of other completely delicious italian dishes. It was such a sweet gesture.

I wish I had pictures of the whole evening, but I wasn't really thinking of much else besides you! I'm thankful my mom managed to at least get the photos I've shared here.

You are such a gift from God, Adalyn. Your birth day was one of the most amazing days of my life. Sometimes I wish I could duplicate the feeling of meeting you over and over and over again. But I'm so grateful that we get to spend the rest of our lives getting to know you more each and every day.

Next time, I'll recap our first month together. And I'll cry. I can't believe it has passed so quickly.

Thank you for giving me this experience, and for being you. You are perfect.

I love you more than I can describe,

your mom

Your Birth Day | My first letter to my daughter, part 2

Hi Baby Girl, As I write this you are in my arms. I'm typing one handed, and I wouldn't have it any other way. It's still so surreal that three weeks ago we were leaving the hospital with you. I have such wonderful, precious, priceless memories of that weekend when you were born. I hope I do it justice here...

Friday night, the day before you arrived, I had made a huge list of things to get done. It was one of the first weekends where I felt really ambitious, and your dad and I both realized we had a lot to do to prepare for your arrival. I still have that list, sitting by the bed, and I smile every time I look at it. As you can probably guess, none of it got done that day, and it was all ok. Better than ok in fact, because God had plans for us to meet you.

Around 6:45 Saturday morning I got out of bed to use the restroom, and halfway there thought I may have had my first bout of incontinence, if you know what I mean. I know this is common during pregnancy, but I had never experienced it.  I was having to use the bathroom every 10 minutes it seemed during the third trimester, but I had never not made it in time. So I called your dad to come look (I don't know what I thought he was going to do) but we both thought it probably wasn't my water breaking because there wasn't enough of it. Five minutes later though, there was more, and we were sure. My water had broken…there was no question. I'm pretty scared at this point, because you're not due for another 3 1/2 weeks, and we are still so unprepared. We didn't have a bag packed, and I hadn't washed any of your new clothes (that was on the list I had made!). So your dad started packing me a bag, while I just continued to kind of stand around in shock. I called the doctor, and the doctor on call immediately called me back. She was very positive and upbeat and just told me to head to the hospital! Holy cow I am going to have a baby.

I then remembered a suggestion a friend of mine had recently told me. She has said if you have time, to shower before you go to the hospital. That way I'd feel nice and clean….and who knows when I'd be able to shower again! So I did that, got dressed, and then started to try and help your dad. He had woken your brother up to tell him we were going to the hospital, and I remember he packed a bag of own, which consisted of nothing more than a stuffed animal. :)

About 45 minutes after my water broke, I started having contractions and began timing them. They weren't too bad; we stayed home another 45 minutes while I looked for your going-home outfit. It was the one thing I wanted to remember to take, and it was the one thing I couldn't find. I was very, very frustrated. The contractions started getting stronger though, so we had to eventually leave without the clothes.

We were only five minutes from the hospital so we got there quickly. It was weird just to walk in and ask what to do…I guess I always pictured it as a little more chaotic. But we just went to labor and delivery and they checked us into maternal observation. It was all very calm and easy. They started monitoring my contractions and at this point they had started to hurt pretty bad. We were there for about an hour while they prepared a delivery room for us. Your uncle Jacob and soon to be aunt Rachel came up to the hospital to get Ian, and then the nurse came and got me and your dad and moved us to the room where you were to be born!  I had told the nurse I could walk, but the contractions were pretty difficult to walk through, and they started making me nauseous. So she put me in a wheelchair.

Once we got to the delivery room, as much as I wanted to try and have a natural birth, I asked for an epidural. I was pretty disappointed in myself, but in the end, I believe I made the best decision that I could at that point. I wasn't really able to focus on much else but the pain, and I didn't really want to spend the entire day fearing the next contraction. I wish I could have done without an epidural, but all in all, I think it ended up being a really good thing. It did give me the shakes pretty badly, but those subsided. And more than anything, it enabled me to enjoy the day with my family in the delivery room.

Jacob and Rachel and Ian had returned with coffee and breakfast tacos for everyone (except me…only liquids for me!) Oh, and Jacob had gone to our house, searched our entire garage, and found the outfits I couldn't!! I don't know how he did it but I was SO grateful!! My mom and stepdad (your grandparents) arrived around 11am, and your other grandpa, who lives further away, arrived a bit later to meet you! Jacob and Rachel had also had a big weekend planned…they were remodeling their soon to be home and had planned on working on that all day. But they were so sweet and spent most of the day taking care of/entertaining your big brother, bringing us food, etc.

That Saturday was the start of the college football season, so we just all hung out and watched a lot of football. Your dad is using a towel as a blanket in this picture because apparently it was cold in the delivery room. I was the only one who wasn't freezing the whole time!

Your uncle Jake had brought me some of my favorite things…chocolate covered fruit bites and sour patch-type candy, and I couldn't have any of it! But I drank a ton of juice and ate a bunch of jello.

I had my Bible and a book on the bed with me, and the stuffed animal that Ian had packed and given to me when he left (Your brother is wild and crazy, but he has such a sweet heart). I didn't end up reading my book at all, but my Bible was definitely a source of comfort to me when I got nervous or scared.

Labor progressed pretty quickly…I cant remember exactly but I think I was around a 4 when we got settled into the delivery room. A couple of hours later I was at a 6, and then about an hour later your heart rate dropped significantly and I called the nurse back in. (I watched this monitor more than I watched any of the football going on on TV).

The nurse rechecked me, seeming to know that that drop in your heart rate meant something, and said happily that I was already at a 9!  From there, once I was fully dilated, the nurse checked with the doctor and they said that now we were just kind of going to wait and see. They weren't in any hurry for me to start pushing, and I trusted them. So we just waited some more! Again, this was one of the blessings of the epidural…I know it's not for everyone, but it enabled me to stay rested and upbeat while I waited.

Finally, around 5:30 pm, they said it was time to push! I couldn't feel anything, and this was actually the one time I wished there was a little pain, because I couldn't tell if I was doing anything right! Even though I wasn't in any pain, it was definitely hard! I remember closing my eyes between pushes and just feeling SO exhausted. But, two hours later you were here! Best thing EVER. I remember the doctor telling me to open my eyes and look at my daughter, and all of a sudden you were in my arms, and in my heart.

I also remember hearing your dad laugh right when you were born…not a humorous laugh, but a completely overwhelmed with joy laugh. He had tears in his eyes and a big smile on his face and I knew he was already as in love with you as I was.

Ian got to come back in soon after, and he was SO excited to meet you. He had been for quite some time. From the very first time he found out he was having a sister he was always so upbeat, positive, and sweet. He loves you bunches.

Then Jacob and Rachel came back to meet you! Notice the paint on your uncle's hands! They were able to fit in a couple hours of work before you arrived. Once they met you they left to get us all dinner. I was so hungry I didn't care what we ate, but they ended up bringing back an AMAZING celebratory dinner from Nonna Tata. We ate fresh foccacia, salad, gnocchi, chicken picatta, and a handful of other completely delicious italian dishes. It was such a sweet gesture.

I wish I had pictures of the whole evening, but I wasn't really thinking of much else besides you! I'm thankful my mom managed to at least get the photos I've shared here.

You are such a gift from God, Adalyn. Your birth day was one of the most amazing days of my life. Sometimes I wish I could duplicate the feeling of meeting you over and over and over again. But I'm so grateful that we get to spend the rest of our lives getting to know you more each and every day.

Next time, I'll recap our first month together. And I'll cry. I can't believe it has passed so quickly.

Thank you for giving me this experience, and for being you. You are perfect.

I love you more than I can describe,

your mom

Our First Nine Months Together | My first letter to my daughter, part 1

I went through phases of understanding when it came to birth stories…first, being the pretty private person that I am, I thought it was all pretty personal stuff to share on the internet. Then, when I became pregnant, I became much more interested in them, and found myself reading them anytime I stumbled across a new mom with a blog. Now, I am dying to get this out onto paper (figuratively) so that I don't forget a second of it. A day, an experience, that special is once in a lifetime. So, I have moved from a skeptic to a supporter when it comes to birth stories. 

Adalyn,

Today is your due date, but we have had you in our arms now for three weeks. You are the greatest gift, and I can't begin to try and describe how much you are loved. For the longest time, this date, September 22, was when I thought I would meet you. Even though due dates are only approximate, when you anticipate something for 9 months, you become fixated on that one very specific day. So now, as I sit at home with you trying to write this when all I want to do is hold you, all the emotions from the past nine months come rushing back. And I want to document them…for me, so I don't ever forget the magic of that time; and for you, so you will someday come to understand what a life-changing, crazy kind of love was born when you arrived.

First though, I want to start with the pregnancy. Your dad and I had prayed for you for a long time, but when I found out I was actually pregnant, I was terrified. I truly began to feel God work in me though, lessening my anxiety month by month. I had a wonderful doctor, who listened to all my concerns, and reassured me. I had an incredibly encouraging and positive husband. I had tons of love and support from family. And you and I, we had a very smooth nine months together. As I look back, I think how silly my complaints were…a couple months of nausea, a sore back, lack of sleep, etc. Now though, I know that I would do it again in an instant for you. I am incredibly grateful for a complication-free pregnancy, and I wish I would have had a better attitude throughout. I have so many regrets…I wish I would have prayed for you more; I wish I would have talked to you more; I wish I would have enjoyed more what my body was capable of doing. Because YOU were the end result, and you are so worth it. But, all I can do is try and give you as much love as I possibly can now…I promise now to pray for you more; to hold you as often as I can, to read to you, and to tell you every day and every hour how special you are.

A few random memories from our time together these last nine months:

• I cried several times in the doctor's office waiting room. Apparantly I'm not the only one who was incredibly happy with our doctor…she is very well liked, and a few times the waits reflected that. I became so anxious a few times that I just broke down.
• I also cried in Target once, towards the end of my pregnancy, when they kept closing lanes on us, so there's probably not much credence to my tears sometime.
• I was very modest at first…I didn't want any photographs of me pregnant. I don't know why, I just didn't. Then about halfway through, I began to take pictures and upload them to an app on my phone. Then, when the app updated at some point, it deleted all the pictures, and I had no idea how upset I would be. I really, really wish I had those photos back, only because it is part of our story…it was you before you were actually here. (The pictures I have included here are some of the only ones I have of me when I was pregnant with you)
• We moved when I was six months pregnant with you. We moved into my little two bedroom house that I lived in before your dad and I got married, and we searched for a home. We are still here, waiting now for our house to be built. We didn't anticipate being here this long, but it has been a huge blessing. We were close to the doctor, the hospital, your Uncle Jacob, and TCU.
• Your dad and your brother and I took a lot of walks when I was pregnant with you. We were blocks away from the campus walking trails, and I really think it helped keep me and you healthy throughout the pregnancy. I can't wait to start taking you on walks now that you are outside of my tummy.
• I craved watermelon like crazy, and couldn't stomach the thought of smoothies.
• Your dad is an amazing husband. He spoiled me rotten while pregnant with you. From arranging my 12 pillows on the bed every night, to picking up everything I dropped when I no longer could bend over…he was, and is, incredibly selfless.
• You would never show your face when we went in for sonograms. We tried to get pictures of you many times, and you were always hiding.
• You were SO active. Especially around 11pm or later. Even when you kept me up, I loved watching you move.

I actually miss being pregnant. I will miss the monthly and weekly visits to the doctor, where your dad and I excitedly looked forward to learning more and more about you. I will miss the feeling of your kicks. I will actually miss that belly, because it held you. Again, I wish I would have realized earlier what a gift it was to carry you. That was a special time for us. Despite my worries, or my anxieties, or my sore back, you were always so important to me.  I'm just simply amazed that God used me to help you grow.

I've loved you for nine months already, and will love you for a million more. Tomorrow, I'll share with you about your birth day!

Love,

your mom